No You Don't Get It!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No You Don't understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   If I hear one more able body person say "I know", "I understand why you feel that way" "I get it" I am going to SCREAM!!!!

   No you don't understand my life or this disability!!! You Don't get what its like to be me day in and day out!!!!!
  
You don't know what its like to feel free as a bird one day and locked in chains the next.

You don't know what its like to have to depend on others for EVERYTHING!!!

You don't know what its like to have to say "I'll try to be there if I can get so'n so to bring me" or "I cant come to that because my body requires all day medical intervention twice a week just to function"...... the severity of which I hide. You don't know what its like to have your body humiliate you!

   So no you don't get it....... but thats ok......you couldn't possibly understand it because........Well... YOU AREN'T ME!!!!

HOPEFULLY What you mean if anything is you want to understand what its like. You wish you could understand me better or even take this whole thing away from me if only for a day.


I have been VERY RAW tonight!! An open book. I hope this makes someone out there THINK!!

A new direction!!

Hey folks!!!!! I have suddenly realized that my blog has taken a much different turn than what I had originally envisioned it being.

  I had  wanted it to reflect how I do things to be as "normal" as possible having Spina Bifida and to give others like me hope. However I find that it truly is just a hodge podge of my life,what goes on in it and my thoughts and feelings.

 That's fine. I'm not complaining. I hope that through this I can still be as educational as I had planned even if its learning about me and common sense education about the disabled community.

I hope by the time you are done reading any one of my entries you have laughed or maybe even cried but always that you come away with new insight into my life and the disabled community as a whole.

So won't you join me on this ride? Hang on tight! you just never know where we will end up next. As always enjoy the ride in Spina Bifida, My point of view.      

Rosacea is the pits!!!

No really! I have had what I thought was acne (scars =pits) for years leaving my face and body looking a hot mess.
  Well Mom was DX with Rosacea with other symptoms and as we did research it looks like thats what I have too and NOT acne.

   The more we read the more symptoms I recognized. I get really flush in the face and hot and people think I'm blushing. Nope just a flare up!

I also have what is called "cherry nose". My nose gets really read and the rest of my face stays normal without warning. I hate it! people are always asking me if I'm ok when it happens. The last and possible most annoying sign is my hands get really read and hot for no reason with no warning.

We also found out that this annoying condition is hereditary......GEEEEZ thanks mom ;D

 So yeah Rosacea is the pits!!


To find out more about this condition and to see if you may have it you can go to the link below and read up on it http://www.rosacea.org/

Crazy dreams!!!

Hey guys!!! Long time no blog lol. I have been wanting to do this blog for sometime but have been unable to and now I just feel rusty. Well here goes nothing!!!

     I have been having these weird dreams every since I started on a medication for my PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). I'll come home from work around 2P.M and sleep till 6:30 A.M. the next morning and during this time I'll have these weird dreams.

    Some of the dreams are of normal people in my life just not in their normal places. I'll like be at work with church folks and at church with work folks. Other times Its normal people turning into weird creatures or in weird situations.


   But I always remember them and wake up thinking.....WOW WHAT A CRAZY DREAM!!!!

These are a few of my favorite tthings

Hey guys, I thought I would do a blog about some of my favorite things.

  First off I LOVE FOOD!!! I love sea food, I love country cooking, I love sweets.. especially oreos and cold 2% milk  YUM!! ....Yikes sounds like a heart attack in the making. I like bakeing cookies with my Grandma. Pretty much if its edible and not the best for me I will probably eat it!!

 Secondly I love Pictures..... taking them, being in them, Photo shopping and collaging them. Even doing this blog about them makes me happy.

I love pigs. I have never been around a real one but I love their cute little faces and curly tails. I have tons of pig toys and figurines in my room.

And don't even get me started about my love for motorcycles. Riding is my favorite thing to do in the summer. I also love the sound of them anywhere near me. The mear thought gives me happy chills. My room is also deck out in motorcycles stuff too.

My new obsession has been bubble wrap. I just cant get enough of the stuff. I could just pop! pop! pop! all day long.

This is just a taste of what makes this girl happy.....lol did you see what I did there?

My Healer rescued me

This year on Dec 29th and the early ours of Dec 30th I celebrated one year of being anxiety free. I have suffered with this debilitating disease in some way all of my life. In the last five years it had gotten really bad. Well that night was no different. I had been have little spurts all Christmas break. That night the mega attack hit!! I felt like I was going insane. I decided right then and there I had been through enough. A few years back our youth had done a drama titled "Set Me Free". Every time they would perform this drama I would think "Thats me!!". I had this drama going through my mind the night of my healing. I finally surrendered.....Within myself I screamed "Jesus rescue me!!!". At that moment I fell back on my bed and came too fully. I felt like something had come out of me and I have never been the same since that day.   

A God encounter like non-other

On Friday, November 2, 2012 I called in Sick to work. Shortly after that I wrote on FB "Laying my heavy head in Jesus lap rubbing his nail scared hand,He never flinches . A Few hours later I had an experience that was so dynamic....So awesome I cried the rest of the day talking about it and just thinking about it.

    I was laying there and all of a sudden I could feel a lap under my head! I recognized this lap though I had never felt it or seen it before. I was also holding a hand and rubbing this had again I recognized it though I again had never seen it or felt it before. I began too feel the hand more....IT WAS JESUS!!! I felt the nail print though much larger then I expected. I felt his long legs (maybe 6'4 ) under my head and hand. I felt his arm around my right shoulder as I was laying on my left side and he was sitting on my bed on my left. His hands were huge. I felt and saw his long white robe with long flowing sleeves. I layed there and basked in him and his love for me. It got to be too much.... I had to get closer...I wanted to sit in his lap so bad. I sat up a little and wrapped my arms around his waist. I rubbed him and clinched him sobbing "why? why did we do this to you?" Why did we hurt you so bad" I got no answer just love.

    I felt him all day I would sit up then down on and off all day never leaving my bed till now.

    I didn't want to leave him I didn't want to leave that place. I am a changed person I will never ever be the same. I want the world to encounter him Like I did that day.